September 12, 2009
Nothing profound, just joyous news
Friday was a bad day, a sad day, but a good day.
Bad:
9/11
Fender bender in the truck
2.5 hour wait for the renowned and quite successful Dr. Flam
Lazy nurses
Chemo 5
Sad:
Remembering 9/11/2001
Tears
Friend Jim, has lung cancer, very sick, had to stop chemo and be taken to hospital to remove fluid in lungs and around heart. Still is making me cry, as it is his second time in the hospital for this in less than a month.
Good:
Prayer
Love
Light
Faithfulness
God
Friends
Groshong Catheter
Caring Nurses
A CLEAN PET SCAN: NO EVIDENCE OF DISEASE
Chemo– it's doing the job. Reluctantly, I must put it in the good category also.
I am now focused on the prize and am so thankfully happy, full of joy and not sleepy at all. I have been up since…
Wait, wait let me tell you.
Since 5:45 am YESTERDAY.
Yes, I have been up a full 24 hours. I am not sure how I am not crashing. I did have some Jasmine green tea. Hmm.. mixed with my Chemo cocktail, coumadin (blood thinner) and anti-nausea meds, that might be the reason. I think there is a war going on in my stomach, more excitement that HDTV. Oh how I live for drugs and all their amazing side-effects. Am I wired or what? Probably.
There is nothing profound in this post I promise you. My focus is a bit off, I have lost four post due a variety of operator error issues– such as not saving, and hitting back on my browser window, such rookie moves. I am paranoid about saving now. But really I am too wired, excited, to even attempt something even vaguely interesting.
Go on though, read if you must. I know your eyes are just dragging themselves across your screen.
I just can't sleep, or maybe I don't want to. I feel like I am trying to catch up on the two years of being sick but not knowing why or with what, and trying to do everything I needed to do while raising two small boys 16 months apart.
I was not making it. Not at all. Trying, but just not getting the laundry done, managing the house or taking care of myself or the kids. "Keep trying, keep denying," my mantra, always with hopes I wasn't sick and I'd be stronger soon.
Maybe, maybe not.
Choking on food and trying to casually walk to the bathroom w/o throwing up all over the floor. Choking on Ibuprofen pills for over 2 hours. Accepting a strange new set of normals: of drinking food rather than eating, debating what if anything I can have if we go out to eat, searching for liquid forms of medication, Charlie telling me it's ok and helping to the bathroom (there are tears as I wrote that).
Now I am crazy with energy. Honestly it's kinda exciting. I can not believe how much better I feel. Each time I bite into a sandwich, I marvel that I can chew the lettuce, bread, tomato and chicken in one bite and swallow it without thinking much about it. I can eat. I've even have overcome my new found fear of pills, olive oil helps. I can keep up with the kids mostly, as they are fast runners. I have lots of ideas to keep them busy, I can anticipate many of their needs and next moves.
And Jas, my dear sweet Jason who plods on with determination, strength, and love even when he is bone tired and grouchy. He and I are sharing lots of ideas on work and looking toward our future. He is brave. And as proof, he's taken our 4 and almost 3 year old boys camping for two day, while mama recuperates from chemo– of course he doesn't know of my all nighter yet. I am so excited about the life of now and life of the future.
WOOT! I have no active cancer cells. Now it's time for the Chemo Clean Up Crew, 6,7,8,9,10,11, 12. December 18th here I come.
This PET means two things:
ONE: I am clear of active cancer cells: the chemo, my acupuncture and healthy eating are WORKING!
TWO: Researchers are studying PETs during treatment and their correlation to remission and regression. If this early PET is clear, then there is a greater chance, or rather a large chance that my Hodgkin's will go into remission for good. I will be cured.
My brain is full of thoughts and ideas for now, for the future. My spirit began it's healing journey months before my body, and I think that is helping me heal more completely. Lets just say today is an Ebeneizer– a helping stone from God to remind me of his faithfulness. I am so grateful and so blessed.
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September 13th, 2009 at 3:09 pm
Oh, Deeds! This made me so thrilled! I can feel your hope! And yes, you’re right–God is reminding you of His faithfulness. Sending all the love possible from Chicago– Mwwwahh!
September 25th, 2009 at 5:15 pm